Story of Us… CHILIS
Story of Us… CHILIS
To say that we went out to eat after church every now and then, would be a gross understatement. I’m fairly certain the people at CHILIS off of College Blvd. would be out of a job if not for our business. We probably could’ve invited them to Christmas dinner and not felt awkward about it. We saw them a lot.
So, when Jaime leaned over to me during my dad’s sermon on Sunday and whispered, “Want to go to CHILIS for lunch?”, I, of course, answered with “Yeah girl.” We wrapped up service, gave an abundance of hugs, and jumped in the car to go to lunch. It was the usual gang. Me, Jaime, Momma Sue, and anybody else that wanted to jump in. This group had always felt like family, but now, more than ever. I mean, after all, Jordan and I were basically a for sure “item” now. So this crew was my boyfriends family! Even though, we hadn’t actually talked yet. I was sure it was just a matter of time to solidify the details. I wonder if he’d thought about our first date yet. I wonder if he’d planned how he would ask me for our first date. I wonder if he had thought about what we would talk about on our first date. I’ll bet he had it all thoughtfully and carefully crafted to a perfect experience!
We talked like normal that night. I was less in a state of euphoria over the thought of Jordan and more just peaceful about the thought of him. Thinking about him used to make me feel anxious and self-conscience. Now? I just felt confident and calm. I liked this feeling.
After dinner, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and Jaime said she needed to go too (after all, girls go in packs right?). So, we headed off to the bathroom. After we finished “our business”, we were at the sink washing our hands when Jaime got kind of awkward.
“Hey, so I need to tell you something,” she said, still looking at the water basin.
“ Ok,” I said weirdly. “ What’s up?”
“ I know Momma Sue told you a couple weeks ago that Jordan had noticed you…”
“ He didn’t?” I said, anticipating the worst possible news.
“ No! He did! He said he thought you were cute and all, but…” she paused for an INCREDIBLY long time, “ he’s actually talking to their pastor’s daughter up there now.”
WHAT??! Why?? How was this possible? I literally spent years thinking about this guy and I find out he’s interested in me only to hear he’s no longer interested in me before I even get to talk to him??! WHAT THE HECK?! This was so not fair. Remember when I said I was anticipating the worst possible news…. I was wrong. This sucked.
“Oh, Ok. That’s no big deal. I was kind of getting over him when Momma Sue said that anyway, so now I’ll be able to actually get over him for sure.” I lied. “ You ready?” I said, trying to escape that room as soon as possible. I dried my hands and bolted back to the table.
Praise God, we were all basically done and would be going home soon. I excused myself from the table and decided to go outside until everyone else was ready to go. I sat on the bench outside the front door to the restaurant and just sat. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even think much. I just sat. Completely silent and completely still. And then all of those emotions came back—anxious, nervous, self-conscience, and doubt. My old friends were once again plastered back into the wall I built around myself. And it was definitely time to refortify my fortress. He didn’t even get to know me, but he saw enough to know he didn’t want to see any more.
I’m in Algebra class right now. Anyways, how about I get to what I’m meaning to talk to you about, but first I want you to know that as my friend (my best friend) you are sworn to secrecy! Jaime, I lied to you. When you told me about Jordan and Ashley… I still like Jordan as much as I ever have. I’m sorry, but it’s hard to explain everything. Why I lied, how I feel, and what I am going to do. The latter is probably the most difficult because I don’t know what I am going to do! I’m sorry I lied to you, but I was surprised. I mean, I expected it just not right now, which was dumb because everything was going so good; what with CINDERELLA and my mom feeling good and Jordan. I should have expected something to go wrong but Jordan? That one hurt. I haven’t been talking about him lately because you had said when I do it got annoying and people said that was all I ever talked about, so I shut up!
I didn’t think he’d give me up so soon! I’m not mad at him Jaime. Maybe one of the few true things I said was that I was happy for him and that it was time to move on. It’s just been really hard for me to let everyone know who I like. I’m not an emotional person. Well – better wording- I’m not a person who likes to have their emotions known. It’s not comfortable to me. I’m always scared I’ll get hurt! I guess I’m a good actress last night was the first time I’ve truly been able to lie to you. I let my guard down when I got home. Mom knew something was up. I told her last night and she just let me cry. I don’t want my dad or brother to know because my dad won’t be sympathetic and my bro will just be mad at him! Don’t tell anyone. If anyone found out…well, just don’t say anything, ok?
You know what I’m gonna miss though? Sometimes he just “hit me.” Not physically, of course, but you know how sometimes things will just “hit you”? Like when you think about eternity. Sometimes it just rolls off of your tongue so easily, but other times it’s like God allows you to have a glimpse of understanding as of to how long eternity is? It’ll just hit you? Well, sometimes Jordan would just “hit me”. I remember how I used to feel, knowing that FINALLY, Jordan had noticed me. After two years! Now, I’m so insecure. I always feel like someone’s making fun of me.
I will continue playing my role as the one who doesn’t care. Because I think that we are friends and should stay friends. It’ll take time, but I will get over it. I need someone I can talk to, but you can’t tell anyone..especially Momma Sue, ok? I don’t want anything getting back to Jordan.