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Story of Us… Bathroom blunder

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Story of Us… Bathroom blunder

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Was I really down that much? Maybe it was a mistake. I hopped off the scale and waited for the display to clear. A zero showed up on the screen, so I tip toed back on and held my breath. I refused to look down again until I was sure enough time had passed for the scale to determine the fate of my day.

What if it had been a mistake? That would absolutely suck. Not only would I not have lost as much weight as I thought, but it would’ve raised my hopes to an unattainable level. I would be waiting for that exact number every time I weighed myself now! And when it proved to be incorrect AGAIN, that day would be ruined too.

But what if it wasn’t a mistake?? What if I am actually skinny now? My whole day… no, week could be so different. I don’t have to care about what my hair looks like or if my makeup is perfect… I’M SKINNY!  See, my theory is…when you’re fat, all the other stuff matters so much more because you have to compensate for the fact that you’re fat. But when you’re skinny, you can throw your hair up in a scrunchy and toss some lip gloss on and be good to go. So what kind of day is it, scale?? Lip gloss or full face??

I took a breath and looked down at the screen. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath this whole time. Does that make it worse? Exhale, Kayla…..111!!! I’m skinny!! Man! I feel different. I jumped off the scale with a smile on my face and got dressed, tossing my makeup bag beneath the sink. Who needs a full face today?? Dad yelled it was time to go, so I ran towards the garage stopping by the entry table mirror on my way. I rubbed my lip gloss on my lips and headed out to the car.

Everything about today was perfectly normal…except me. I wasn’t normal. At least, I wasn’t my normal self. I was improved. I had lost 4 pounds since my last weigh-in. I was out of the teens! I felt so different; so much more confident, funny, popular, calm. In one way I felt more invisible than ever…in a good way. In another way, I felt more seen than ever before. It seemed to change with each moment but in the best way. Like no one was pointing and laughing when I walked in the room, but everyone noticed something was different today.

First and second period flew by.. .too fast. This day needed to slow down. I needed to be able to feel every second of this for as long as possible. By third period, my mood was only slightly dampened by an annoying headache, but even that could not ruin this day. I raised my hand and asked Mrs. Peterson if I could be excused to go to the bathroom. I was excused and practically skipped down the hall.

I opened the door to the bathroom. Have these lights always been this bright? I think a bulb or two must usually be out. It felt like air force one was about to land overhead. I went to look in the mirror to see what 111 pounds looked like… not bad. Although, I wasn’t sure why I was sweating so much. They usually kept it as cold as a meat locker in this place, but I was still warm behind my neck. I dabbed myself with a paper towel and made my way to a stall.

“Kayla? Kayla, can you hear me?”

What? What just happened? I was lying on the floor of the bathroom being woken by 3 paramedics. How did I get on the floor? How long was I out for?

“ You’re ok, Kayla. You just passed out for a bit. We’re going to take care of you now.” She seemed very calm and reassuring, but none of that reassurance explained to me how the heck I ended up on the floor of the bathroom! And today of all days! It was such a good day!

“What happened?” I finally made out.

“ You fainted, hun.” said the same woman. No kidding. I looked up to see my dad above the guys hovering directly on top of me. “We’re going to prick your finger to test your sugar levels. You may feel a little pinch.”

After a couple minutes and way too much fuss, they stood me up only long enough to put me on a gurney and wheel me down the hallway in front of my entire middle school.

“Kayla, you feeling ok?” she said.

“ Yeah, I’m ok,” I muttered back.

“ Good. Now, I need to ask you a couple questions. You ok with that?” I nodded. “ Ok. Are you ok if we put you in the ambulance and take a little ride to get you checked out?”

“Uh, is that really necessary?” I asked

“ It’s just to make sure everything is normal.”

“Ok”

“ When was the last time you ate something?” Fear struck in my heart. I hadn’t gone that long this time. It was just a couple days since I last ate.

“ Umm. Well, I didn’t eat breakfast… I usually don’t though.” That wasn’t a lie.

“ Ok. Are you sexually active at all?”

“ No!” She asked me this in the hallway with my dad trailing us. Even if I had, I would not exactly be compelled to be forthcoming at that moment.

“ Ok. Well let’s get you downstairs and taken care of,” she said as one of the guys pushed the elevator button.

“We’ll meet you down there.” The two others said since there wouldn’t be enough room in the elevator.

I was wheeled in and the door closed behind us. “ Now that there is no one else here, is there anything you want to tell me? Are you sexually active?”

I looked at her briefly. I wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her “No, lady. I’ve been in love with the same guy since I was 12 years old and he barely knows that I’m alive! He considered me for one brief moment in time…one perfect, romantic, fantasy moment in time before he rejected me without any cause at all and even though I am mad as all get out at this gorgeous, perfect, mysterious, older guy, I can’t stop thinking about him…this ONE guy that lives 3 hours away and doesn’t think about me at all… not at all. So no, no sex. No kiss. Not so much as a hand hold. I have made it as far as a very awkward, sisterly, perfect side hug that one might give to that relative that has a contagious disease but you still have to be polite to!”

“ No, ma’am. I promise I’m not.” It didn’t feel quite as good as what I wanted to say, but it was at the very least, the truth.

Once we were downstairs and in front of the ambulance, I was able to convice everyone that a ride to the the hospital was completely unnecessary. After getting my sugar levels back, they suggested that my dad take me to get something to eat. Fine. I will eat this meal, but if that scale reads differently tomorrow, I may have to retrieve my entire makeup bag again.

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We are a family of four just trying to figure out what our "new normal" looks like in Manhattan! I'm Kayla, a 29-year-old creative with a passion for theater and writing. Jordan is a musician and experience pastor with a heart that loves people. And we have two awesome little girls, Jozlyn and Kendall. Our house is crazy...always full of energy and laughter.... and we have no idea what we're doing! Help us figure it out as we go!

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I'm Kayla. Mom of two, wife of one and new New York transplant. We're a family of four fumbling our way through our new normal in Manhattan! We're excited to learn as we go... we can't mess this up too bad, right? :)

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