We walked into Sunday the same as we always had. Usually, very mundane, run-of-the-mill…except we were holding hands. No one really noticed until our teacher gave us a quick double take and said, “hey are ya’ll together finally?”
We laughed and Chad said, “Yep. Took long enough, right?”
After we mingled and talked to everybody, we took our normal seats on the front row. This is great. This is exactly what everyone thought would happen. This is exciting. This is… awkward. I loved this guy. I mean I really loved him. Chad was always like a brother to me, but we’d only been “dating”, “going out”, “boyfriend/girlfriend”…whatever you wanted to call it for two weeks and I could not shake this feeling of “weirdness”.
He did nothing wrong. He was kind and a gentleman. He was the same guy he’d always been to me, but we were trying to make “us” something it had never been. And the shape of the “Chad” and “Kayla” that we had always been was trying to fit into this mold that just refused to fit.
Maybe we just needed more time. Maybe if I gave it some more time then we would settle into this “relationship mold”. Maybe if I just waited and rode this thing out then I would lose the “Chad is my best friend” feeling and it would change into the other thing! The only problem was that I didn’t really want to. I missed the old mold. I missed my best friend. I missed our old relationship. I missed us being silly and goofy and not caring. I missed him. Ugh.
Great. The only guy that I actually had a crush on, outside of the heart-wrenching pain of Jordan, and I can’t even make that stick… with a guy I already loved (albeit in the wrong way, but still). I was truly pathetic and apparently destined to be alone forever.
I know Chad and I will survive this. I’m pretty sure, if I know him well, that he feels this way too, but I really wish it could be different. I wish I could love him the way I want to. If I did, I wouldn’t feel the pain of being in love with a man who didn’t want me.
So funny story… the group hung out tonight. Chad and I decided to go separately since Kenz asked me to ride with her. As we were driving down the road she asked how things were going with Chad. Normally, I would’ve made some generic statement like “It’s good. It’s weird transitioning from ‘friends’ to ‘more’, but it’s good.” But with Kenzie this would not have flown. She knows me way too well. I sidetracked for a while, but it didn’t take long until all of my reservations came spewing out of my mouth like verbal vomit all over my poor best friend. She took it politely and quietly, allowing me to fully empty myself of all of my anxieties and frustrations. When I was finally done, I was almost crying and just said, “I just miss my best friend, Kenz.” She was quiet for a minute and said, “Kay, you guys HAVE to talk. He literally said the same thing to me yesterday.”
I was so relieved. Neither one of us would have to be hurt! Maybe we could even go back to how things were before! I know it may be weird for a bit, but maybe we can just forget this whole thing happened! We can be stupid and joke and be normal again!
I can’t even say how excited I am. Here’s hoping I have myself and him back!
The summer after junior year was rough. School had been great this year and all, but I felt different. Not necessarily different than I had been in the past, but just noticeably different than other people. At least I felt that I was. I had finally got a groove for this high school thing (it only took three years, I guess, to get acclimated to a 4-year program). I felt great about my friends at school and of course the gang at church, but I just felt stagnant. Maybe things would change this summer. You know, I’d get a chance to clear my head and just hang out with the gang. That always made me feel better. Lexie and Kenzie were my refuge. Sometimes I felt like they were carrying me through whatever headache I was going through and then other times they boosted my self-esteem by allowing me to feel like I was carrying them somehow. We took care of each other. Kory was so consistent. He was loyal and calming no matter what chaos we had gotten ourselves into. Steve constantly made me feel like he was protecting us in some way. He made me feel safer than when he wasn’t there. Like a really great, funny brother. And then there was Chad. I didn’t know what to think about Chad. Chad had probably been the best “guy friend” I had ever had. It was no secret that we’d had crushes on each other off and on ever since I moved to town, but I had always truly had feelings for Jordan. But there he was…constantly in my life. Constantly a source of joy and confidence for me. He was (out of the guys) the one that I could really be myself around. There was something I couldn’t shake about this guy.
Everyone at church would make jokes about us eventually getting married. We even had a pact where we were each other’s “backup”. If neither one of us were married by the time we were 40, we would marry each other. I could live with that. Chad had actually dated Kenzie for about a year. They had just broken up a few months ago but managed to stay pretty good friends which we were all very grateful for. I did not want anything to mess up our group. But would it be worth the risk to maybe… potentially… possibly… sometime in the future… go out with Chad? Is that crazy?? That was crazy. Chad was my best friend. We would drive each other crazy, right?? On the other hand, why not? I mean, I hadn’t dated a lot in high school. I had spent most of my time in the theater, with the gang, or at a church function throughout the last few years and hadn’t really had time for anything else. I threw myself into distractions ever since Jordan dumped my almost 3 years before.
Hold on! Had it been 3 years since Jordan?? I hadn’t really thought about it. That was pathetic. I hadn’t liked a guy in 3 years? No wonder I felt like I was from another planet in high school. Everybody else was dating and figuring out who they wanted to go to homecoming and prom with and I couldn’t muster up a CRUSH?? Why? I guess I could be grateful. I didn’t go through all the drama and tears and gossip that could come with all of that. And I had been on a couple of dates… I mean, a girls gotta eat, right? But I’d never really thought about the fact that I hadn’t had actual feelings for a guy since Jordan. Is that normal? Or maybe that’s why I didn’t understand what I was feeling for Chad. Is that what this is? I’d always loved Chad but in a brother kind of way. Did I feel something different now?
I thought he had been flirting for a few days, but it was so hard to tell because we’d always been close. He would come into class on Sunday and immediately make his way over to me. He’d make some funny comment that I would normally make fun of, but didn’t want to anymore. This was weird!
I did. I liked Chad. I wasn’t sure if I was happy about it or not. I didn’t really know how to feel about thinking about someone that wasn’t Jordan. This would be so much easier! I mean, we already know we like to hang out. He knows me as well as anybody. We have a great time together. We’ve already hung out alone. I mean, not often, but there were times when it would be a few of us and someone would get up to go to the bathroom and left just me and him alone for a while…and we were fine! This would just be like hanging out with all of our friends if the other 4 went to the bathroom for a really long time…easy.
FINALLY! I am getting over Jordan!
So I’m way late on this post, but one of the first places we went when we got here was the Children’s Museum of Manhattan. We had heard so many great things about this place and I couldn’t wait to get the kids there. It’s located in the Upper West, so it took me a while to get the kids dressed, on the train and carted up there, but I just knew once we got there, it would all be worth it. My resolve was strengthened when I got out of the train station and saw Mandy Patinkin walking toward me!!! Day made!
Once we got in, I checked in at the front desk and paid the entrance fee… it’s $14 a person to get in which is normally pretty steep, but I didn’t mind since I had heard that no kids New York experience was complete without a trip here. After we checked the stroller and bags, we walked into the main room full of anticipation. It is a room filled with memorabilia and interactive displays about Islam and some countries where Islam is prevalent. Jozlyn was enamored with the room where there is a massive screen that you can control with a touch screen. You pick a spot on the globe and it will show you an interactive view of the Mosque built there.
There is also a space that shows how people shop in those areas: the spices, the tapestries and other things found in the markets. Then you can go and jump on the large ship and imagine you are navigating the waters of the Meditteranean. It was very interesting, but after about half an hour, my girls were pretty much done.
I walked around trying to find the way to another room, but couldn’t find any. I finally asked someone if there was another space and was directed downstairs to a basically empty room filled with “block stations”. I was pretty perturbed that this was all there was for $14 a person! Kendall was pretty much done, but we were going to suck every penny out of this place that we could! And so I forced Kendall to find something to play with down here.
After about another 30 minutes and a total meltdown by Kenny, we decided to take off. We found the elevator to get back to the main floor. Once, in the elevator, I saw signage…. for 4 OTHER FLOORS OF EXHIBITS! haha I felt so ridiculous! We quickly ran through the other floors, but Kendall was not going to last long, so I made a mental note to come back and explore fully.
We made the second trip recently, so here are the pictures from both of our fun times at the CHILDREN’S MUSEUM OF MANHATTAN. If you are bringing young kids to the city, it’s a great place to let them loose! I know a lot of families feel like they have to keep a very close eye everywhere they go here, but this place is safe and so fun for them!
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One of the best things about living in the city is that it is a hub for every body. We get people coming through all the time and it makes me so happy to see friends from everywhere. One of our sweet friends from Prestonwood came in town for work and called to meet up at a cool place she read about on another blog called mommypoppins. A blog I love to stalk as well.
She told us to meet her at a place called Cool Mess. It’s this adorable, almost “diner inspired” place. The food is good, but what is so great is that they let you make your own ice cream at the table.
So mad that we forgot to get a picture with Shelley and her family. It was so great being able to see them.
This spot is off of the Lexington and 59th St Station…which, by the way, has an escalator…. for all my stroller weilding mommas! It’s in a beautiful area.
Obviously, the kids approved of spot…
Jordan seemed to like it too….
In a time of crazy transition and uprooting of their “normal”… I love the moments when I can help make my kids faces look like this. We’re doing good guys. Thanks for checkin in!
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I’ve always loved seeing how people glorify God through art…any artform. I put my daughter to bed tonight, and one of our rituals is to sing a song before bed. She asked to sing the song tonight. Then she began to sing a song she wrote. Once she was finished, she was given the praise that any mom would give her kid after such creativity, and then she said “that was my special song of praise to God” … and I melted. I DO NOT BELIEVE MUSIC IS WORSHIP (many of you are sick of hearing me say this), but I love when music is used to worship God.
Our faith is one of intellect and heart. We are told in Scripture to worship God with our whole being. Music, to me, is a beautiful outlet for that. Music brings such emotion, while lyrics tend to play to our intellect. I love what music does in my spirit. And my favorite one to listen to?? This guy!
I’ve loved that I’ve been able to hear Jordan sing praise the last few weeks. It always makes me happy. Here’s a video from church…. the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I can’t wait to hear Jozzy sing like this.
If you are ever in Manhattan, come by and see us!
If I said the next few months were fun, it would be a lie. I couldn’t shake him. And it wasn’t just him. It was the idea of being discarded that constantly nagged at my heart and head. He hadn’t even really gotten to know me before he decided he didn’t want me. Was I really that deplorable? How, at first glance, did he decide that I wasn’t worth the time? Did I have some kind of signal I was putting off that I wasn’t aware of? Did guys just look at me and say, “ Uh, no thank you… she’s absolutely a waste of my time.”
I’m sure none of this went through his mind, but it’s what I felt. I just wanted to know why? Was it anything I had done at all or was he just so aloof that he could tell a girl he’s interested and the next week just say “Sike!”. Did he do this with a lot of girls? Maybe he told several girls he was interested at the same time and then took a poll to see who was into him so he could have more of a selection. You know, like a fisherman casting a net, so a bunch of unsuspecting minnows can be swallowed up and then sifted for the fisherman’s approval. Well, as a rejected minnow, I felt lost at sea. I did my best to hide my heartbreak…still didn’t do it well though. But I stayed busy with church and things.
At least there would be a good distraction this weekend. The middle schoolers were going to a conference. Ok, I know “conference” doesn’t sound fun, but think “concert” with long commercial breaks of biblical teaching and you’re probably closer to the actual idea of the weekend. They were totally fun and I could use the distraction. Jaime wasn’t going since she was in high school, but I still got to hang out with some other friends like Ryan and Brittany.
Ryan was our worship pastor’s son. He was hilarious and loved to make absurd jokes usually at his own expense. Brittany was a friend from basketball. She was kind of shy and awkwardly funny. She and Ryan had been best friends forever. It was going to be a good break from my monotony.
We boarded the bus and all clamored for seats near friends. Ryan, Brittany and I got seats near the back and started cracking jokes and having fun. This was just what I needed. After an hour or so on the road, Brittany leaned forward to see me around Ryan and said, “So how are you going to be around Jordan this weekend?”
I think all the blood rushed from my face. “What do you mean? He’s not going to be there. Jaime would’ve told me if he were going to be there.” The conference was in Orlando, so it would make sense for Jordan to show up, but I had talked about this event SEVERAL times in front of Jaime and she never said anything! She would’ve said something, for sure. There’s no way.
“ Oh. I don’t know.” Brittany looked as if she’d gotten in trouble. “That’s just what Brycie told me.” Brycie was Jaime’s other best friend and Brittany’s older sister. Apparently, a much better best friend because she told her information that would have been VERY good to have before this trip! I sat back in my seat and just silently planned. Man! If I had known I would’ve packed so differently!! Who wants to spend the whole weekend with the guy who rejected you in baggy t-shirts and long shorts!? Why didn’t I pack my heels? That wouldn’t have been obvious. Ugh! I was just going to have to work really hard to look like I wasn’t working hard at being ok. Easy enough.
Every mile marker seemed to span 10 miles. How long did it take to get to Orlando?? When we finally pulled in, I realized that we weren’t even going to stop by the hotel so I could spruce up. We would go straight to the church where the conference was for the first session. Just give up, Kay. It is what it is.
The adults made their way as we followed to a section to the far left of the house….. and there he was. Seated on the second row. His hair gelled, sticking perfectly straight…. with his girlfriend. There he sat with his muscular arm draped around her slim little shoulders. I was trying not to hate a girl I had never met. This trip sucks.
Our leaders kept walking and I just prayed they would stop and pick a seat already! We were getting seriously close to Jordan and his group. They kept walking, and walking, and walking. STOP ALREADY! PICK A SEAT…ANY SEAT!… They did. They picked the row directly in front of Jordan. Are you kidding me, people?? This could not be worse. Now, not only did I have to see him throughout the conference, but I had to constantly be worrying about how my butt looked in my middle school, high waisted, long seamed shorts every time we stood up!
You know what?? I’m done! I’m done caring. I’m done allowing what he thinks about me to occupy my mind. I hope my butt looks bad. I hope it looks huge! I hope my makeup is smeared and clothes are wrinkled because then he will know that I put no effort into seeing him today! You know why? Because I didn’t know he was coming and I am grossly underprepared for this situation but more than that… Because he doesn’t matter to me! I’m done!
The group scattered around that row, taking up more space than needed. I cut in front of Brittany and went and sat directly in front of Jordan giving him a quick and perky, “Oh hi!” before sitting. Perfect. It was brief and distant.
I felt his presence the whole conference, but I was determined to remain aloof and uncaring. Yeah, this was better. I totally don’t care that the perfect guy is behind me with someone else; someone he actually cares about. Someone he can actually see. Can I just go home yet?
I don’t know about y’all, but I did not have much knowledge of Coney Island. The only frame of reference I had was from a scene from an old Gene Kelly movie, ON THE TOWN. The lead girl (Vera Ellen) has to work as a kind of “cooch” dancer out on Coney Island to pay for singing lessons. She dances alongside freak shows and other less than classy acts, so for all I knew Coney Island was full of two-headed men and bearded ladies! Rest assured, it is not… well not anymore anyway! ha Apparently, a few years ago, it was kind of sketch, but not so anymore!
The boardwalk is gorgeous! If you are in New York with kids and want a break in the monotony of the city, take a day trip to Coney Island. You can hang on the beach (which also has a playground and water features), eat at the original Nathan’s for lunch and spend the day on roller coasters. It’s not the cheapest. An unlimited pass is $50/person or you can pay per ride (we spent $40 for Jordan, me, and Jozlyn and we were fine). They have rides for all ages! There are rides for younger kids… a pretty good amount, but there is also another park that seems to be designed for young kids. It is extra to get into that area, though.
It’s not the cheapest. An unlimited pass is $50/person or you can pay per ride (we spent $40 for Jordan, me, and Jozlyn and we were fine). Jordan did pay extra for a “specialty ride”, but other than that, we were good. They have rides for all ages! There are even rides for younger kids… a pretty good amount, but there is also another park that seems to be designed for young kids. It is extra to get into that area, though.
Coney Island is so much fun! We got to spend the day with some sweet friends and their 5 kids… all of whom are so sweet and have been so encouraging to my girls. They love on them and make them feel special which has just been such a blessing! Jordan luckily was able to come with us as well, so we were a FULL group! The Knight tribe is 7, Kyle, Carrie Anna, Jordan, me and the girls! We looked like we had taken a school field trip with chaperones, but whatever… we had a blast.
Here is a video. Check out what Coney Island is like now and shatter that old image of paint chipped side shows!
I am loving seeing old friends here and meeting new ones, too. Today, we got to hang out with some very old friends. Laura Beth and I have known each other all my life. My dad pastored their church in South Carolina where I was born. Her family has always been one of the greatest encouragements to my dad during his ministry and now she lives in Brooklyn with her husband. They are church planters over there and she invited me to go to the Met with her! Her dad was even in town!
There was a fashion exhibit with elaborately designed dresses that we thought the girls may enjoy. Kendall seemed less interested in the dresses and more interested in touching everything she wasn’t supposed to so she remained confined to the stroller… only one meltdown… WIN.
After the museum, we were planning on going to the park for playtime, but the weather was not working with us. We walked a few blocks to a NEW YORK STAPLE! haha. That’s right. I go to New York City and still Panera is one of my favorite lunch spots! I’m so classy.
We had so much fun hanging out with our new friends. Praise God for momma’s in the city who are a few years ahead of me in this thing.
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So, it took me a couple days to get this posted…forgive me.
First of all, I feel like I could do a car seat commercial right now. Graco, Chico, Baby Trend…I don’t care! Our last flight with Kendall was MISERABLE… like I wanted to throw her out the window bad. This flight, however, it was like a different kid! Praise God for some good mommy friends who told me to put her in a car seat on the flight (listen to wisdom, mommys!) She was fantastic. Any mommy having this issue?? Put them in a car seat. Yes, its an extra ticket, but I know my sister in law recently told me she’d rather take a 15 hour car ride than a 2 hour flight with her kid at this age… I agree that it is worth it! Matched with a husband who insisted he sit between the two girls on the flight, it was a very peaceful 2 hours in air. And they did wonderfully!
I’m trying my best to keep this move from being overwhelming for the kids, so we are decidedly taking things slow…hence, the late video. Although, the house is almost done, so watch for that post soon! Our goal for day one was to get the kids room set up, so they (mainly Jozlyn. Kendall just does whatever Jozzy does :)) would have a space for themselves during all the change. Jozzy has been excited to share a room with sissy for a while now. I’ll post pics of the house in the next “new spots” post! For now, here is a look at our crazy day, the day that changed our lives…. the day we became New Yorkers.
Now, don’t be shy…share the love! What are some of the best tips and tricks for traveling with kids through an airport? Leave a comment and let me know.